Okay. This is a serious post.

I am a white guy. I self-identify as one. Of course, I doubt I am completely white (I am not even sure what that means, really), but I look like I am. This means I am pretty much the worst person to talk about race and ethnicity and skin color and whatever, because I guess white guys have done enough talking about that and they mostly suck at it.

Alright, that first paragraph came out a little weird. Let me instead begin with a story. The “world” in which I live is pretty white. I know that is the case because I would notice if it weren’t. I noticed the other day when my girlfriend and I went to an area we don’t go to very often and I noticed a lot of people around were black. I say “black” the way I say I am “white,” to indicate that their skin or my skin is what is mostly accepted as being one or the other.

So it occurred to me, as I noticed that there were a lot of black people around, that I really wish I didn’t notice that. Today my girlfriend and I went to a restaurant and I believe there was one other white person there, the rest were Asian. I wish I didn’t know that. I don’t want to care. I don’t want my girlfriend (she isn’t white) to notice that most of the people around are white. I don’t want to notice that a lot of the people around where I live are Hispanic.

What do I mean by that? I mean I wish I lived somewhere where that was normal. Yes, it is true that I am getting better. I am actually amazingly glad that my girlfriend has a different culture from my own. It has given me (I hope) a much better perspective on things, especially “race” (not sure what that is, really). But the fact is that I immediately notice when I am surrounded by people who do not look like me. And I begin to wonder if that is what other people feel like, too. Is that how my girlfriend feels most of the time? (I asked, she said it was.)

But what is a white guy to do about it? Perhaps I am too self-conscious, but doesn’t everything white people do seem to come off as either pretentious (“I am so much better than you, so I am going to help you”) or like a wannabe (like, I wannabe a gangsta). Maybe it comes off other negative ways, too. But sincerity…I do not know how to do that. I mean, I know how to be sincere. I am sincere. But I do not know how to show that. And I know I am immediately critical of others trying to do the same. What is wrong with me?

When are we all going to be able to just laugh at all this? At how unsophisticated our treatment of race and ethnicity and culture really is today? I really hope it is soon.